Insert Foot vs. “Star Wars: The Acolyte”

Like most of the “Star Wars” nerd nation with nothing better to do in middle age, I watched the first couple episodes of “The Acolyte” last weekend.

Shockingly …  I have thoughts for Disney.

The first is, “Should Disney make a series with a title no one knows how to pronounce?”

Dear Disney (I don’t know who’s in charge over there anymore; I once interviewed a Disney boss with a C in his title on Walt Disney’s patio, just above the Main Street fire station at Disneyland, and I can’t even remember that guy’s name).

Anyway, don’t put a word in the title of your fancy new show you’ve been over-promoting for months that people are afraid to say because they’re terrified of being embarrassed they’ll say it incorrectly.

Then they won’t talk about your show.

I finally worked up the courage to try saying “acolyte” to my daughter the day of the show, and she didn’t roll her eyes or tell me I’m stupid. I think I got lucky. But it took some courage to attempt.

Then there’s the definition, which it turns out I did comprehend. But I still looked it up because it could’ve meant “The Toaster” in a Slavic language for all I really knew. I’m increasingly wrong about things I thought I knew the older I get, but it would still bother me.

I have a HUGE complaint about the first scene and there’s a spoiler involved, so if you haven’t seen it, now’s the time to go read something else.

So Disney, why did you do Carrie-Anne Moss like that?

You killed off what looked like a fascinating character in all of six minutes into your big new series.What the F%$# were you thinking?

Since you bought “Star Wars” from George Lucas in 2012,  you’ve made more bad decisions than good ones, and only get that much credit because you somehow nailed a prayer of a full court shot with “Rogue One.” The premise sounded terrible, yet you pulled a royal straight flush and made, at worst, the third best movie in “Star Wars” history.

Otherwise, you’ve been scraping jawa dung off your shoes the whole time, when you weren’t going gimmick with a Baby Yoda.

You killed Carrie-Anne Moss’s Indara, and you did it after using her to promote the stupid thing for months? Moss was born to play a Jedi master, and she was great for the whole 45 seconds she got to play one.

And, dude … Walt …Disney,  you killed her for being distracted? Distracted? And you did it with a blade the size of nail clippers. That’s not the respect you give an awesome Jedi Master. That’s how a drunk with bad hair wearing flip flops and a 311 tanktop dies in a freak porta potty accident.

Though I suppose, as Moss is obviously playing a badass, accomplished Jedi, it does lend more weight to the young protagonist who basically killed her with a steak knife.

And, as much as you blew it, Disney, don’t resurrect her or go all Marvel/DC and start screwing with time. It’s become boring and it’s lazy writing. And if anyone knows lazy writing, it’s me.

By the way, when your sinister wanna-be Sith woman is about to enter the bar, she pays a strange looking, non-intimidating creature with a  big coin to tell her where the Jedi is. Sith don’t give big gold coins to insects for information. They strangle them, get the info, then strangle them some more because it’s fun.

I discovered another problem, a paradox that probably is just me. But is anyone else getting burned out on lightsabers? Which, coming from the former 10-year-old that’s now me, is like saying I’m getting burned out on pizza and attractive women laughing at my stupid jokes

It did too happen … once.

I can’t even begin to describe living in a world that’s never seen a lightsaber, then one suddenly pops up in a movie. Lightsabers were the most magical thing in the world in 1977, right up there with Cheryl Ladd and KISS comic books. It’s insane to think lightsabers could get overexposed, thanks to so many Star Wars shows and films. So if they’re going to happen, they better up the Jedi’s fighting game … give them lightsabers with their own Led Zeppelintheme music or something. Maybe it’s the yellow ones … it’s such a wishy-washy color.

Not everything in “The Acolyte” is bad. I liked the iPod droid and the pouty Jedi who keeps going by the book and looking boring for it. He reminds me of editors.

I like them writing potential good and bad twins into the story and, despite my earlier complaining, the more Jedi, the merrier, for the most part. The classic “Star Wars” themes are back and Coruscant and the Jedi Temple are the heart of the Republic.

I also like the idea of a mysterious Sith master out there, pulling strings without showing us his or her face (an old theme, but at least we don’t know who it is this time). It keeps the audience interested. Just don’t pull off the mask at the end and have it reveal Ryan Reynolds or someone else from Marvel.

And we haven’t even started talking about the insane awesomeness of a wookie Jedi, which will probably deserve its own column.

Speaking of great characters who died too early … maybe make the mysterious figure Ned Stark and throw a serious wrench into the brains of all the “Game of Thrones” fans still pissed about his beheading. Then have him warn the Jedi about the coming chilly weather and disappear.

Or even weirder, make it Indara.

I think I just solved my problem.

Follow music critic Tony Hicks at Twitter.com/TonyBaloney1967.