Bon Jovi, “Forever.”

I can’t fight the Bon Jovi thing anymore.

I tried for years. I scoffed at the positivity. I hated the constant perfect smile as Jon Bon Jovi drove all the women I wanted to like me into selling their souls to him. He was never a bad boy, but was worthy of respect from some of the glam-punk-metal guys of the ’80s.

We sneered at JBJ and pretended he didn’t outsell all the aggressive, respectable music we loved. Meanwhile, the guy kept Writing. Uplifting. Hooks. That. Outsold. Everyone.

The music wasn’t really original if you’d ever imagined transposing Bruce Springsteen into white suburban, hair-sprayed, neon ’80s rock (which, I admit, was pretty genius, even if Bon Jovi couldn’t touch the lyrics, arrangements and musicianship). All the while, that bastard kept backing up the Brinks truck and stealing the hearts of everybody’s dream girls.

And he smiled that Hollywood smile. Not a smug, “you want to be me, don’t you?” smirk, but like he wanted to pat us on the back, buy us lunch, and wish us some sincere luck.

He’s known far and wide as a good guy. Who doesn’t like him? He owns a restaurant where he feeds poor people. His new record will likely please his fans. But me? I tried. I wanted to.

There’s a mini Bon Jovi resurgence happening. In addition to new record Forever, his first since the timeline-accurate 2020, there’s been lots of attention around the Hulu docuseries “Thank You, Goodnight: The Bon Jovi Story,” in which JBJ discusses his vocal problems, among other things. There’s also been lots of stories speculating a long-awaited reunion with former guitarist and collaborator Richie Sambora, which may never happen.

This brings us to this being a record review. Bon Jovi the band has a new record that I listened to and came up with the insanely astute observations that are, at least, as deep as the material.

It’s a 21st Century Bon Jovi record. That means it’s a collection of semi-catchy songs with uplifting, mid-tempo hooks that don’t get much deeper than a bottle of water and, unless sung many times at fans’ homes, won’t be very memorable. But as light pop music that makes people my age think about lighter times, sure. Why not?

The record launches with “Legendary,” which is predictably catchy and shows JBJ’s voice has thinned. It almost sounds a bit squeezed at times. He’s 62 and had vocal problems, it happens. But the song is a good one to open the record; uplifting and singable. Fans will love it. Second song “We Made it Look Easy” feels like it was written quickly, but still manages a Bon Jovi hook. It also sounds like it could’ve been written by AI, which isn’t fair, but welcome to 2024.

“Living Proof” launches into a riff that’s immediately run through a talk box (where’s Richie, anyway?). The formula survives, even if it’s softer than it used to be (I’m waiting for the chorus of “It’s My Life” at the breaks). Things stop standing out when the formula is repeated so much (and Sambora was never a real guitar hero but he did add blues rock to the formula that is missed.

“Waves” is more of the same. It’s not bad, but you definitely can’t lump him in with hard rockers anymore. Not with the absolute reliance on vocal hooks with so little memorable guitar taking such a back seat (I realize I’m making another Sambora argument, which even I didn’t see coming). But this record is lacking some soul, even with band members competing to out-rock each other.

Jon Bon Jovi needs some creative friction, stat.

There’s nothing wrong with pure positive pop. But call it what it is: Light, simple hooks that may make you feel a bit better for a few minutes.

During “Seeds,” his voice is pinched. It’s nice there’s some strings, or keys pretending to be strings, to round things out. “Kiss the Bride” starts off as a nice piano ballad. It sounds like he’s singing about his daughter, which is sweet. Add some strings and about 2 million middle-aged women will be happy to tell you so.

“The People’s House” may be the designated rocker. Bon Jovi’s voice still sounds a bit pinched, but he knows to put the hook first and get those correct chord changes out in front. The guy is a craftsman. Even on “Walls of Jericho,” which has a hammy opening and moves forward and sounds like late-career Springsteen. The hook settles in and works but, nobody can do that many “na-na’s” but Springsteen and Journey. Then comes back the overcooked ham chorus and, yes, more na-na’s. Jon Bon Jovi, you’re better than this.

‘I Wrote You a Song” is the sort of song you’ll see presented on a TV talent show. “Living in Paradise” is peppy, but needs a rock band pounding through the dynamics to really bring the emotion out. I understand what the band was doing on “My First Guitar,” but if you’re going retro with the “first musical connection” story, you need to bring it hard like Bad Company’s “Shooting Star” or Foreigner’s “Juke Box Heroes.” Though, Bon Jovi does mention listening to KISS records, so there’s that. It still sounds weird with a chorus of “I’m in love with my first guitar,” with the backing of a snappy pop anthem. I think a song about one’s first guitar needs to present a LOT more guitar, instead of  brief, perfunctory leads. Show, fellas, don’t just tell.

The record’s last song, “Hollow Man,” has some elements of Pink Floyd’s “Mother” and Bob Seger’s “On the Road Again.” It’s one of the better songs on the album.

Bon Jovi will likely now hit the road and do very well among the middle-aged demographic, mostly with the old stuff. I think he can still make some good music. But this really isn’t it.