Santana performs at Chase Center in San Francisco on Nov. 12, 2019. Joaquin Cabello/STAFF.

On Sunday it’s scheduled to reach 91 degrees where I live. In April. Ninety-one degrees.

It is far too early to be getting that hot. It bodes ill for the summer.

Traditionally, by which I mean in 2019, I take this opportunity to complain about the heat. Because I hate heat. A lot. So I’m going to do that again. And since the 2019 edition was in June and the 2021 edition is in April, it may come again during the second straight month of 115-degree temperatures.

And before you ask, no, I don’t remember if I did an annual whine about the heat column in 2020. I don’t remember anything about 2020. And you don’t either, don’t act like you do.

Nelly — “Hot in Herre”

Note to our illustrious editor Roman Gokhman: That is not a typo. Nelly spelled it “herre.” I’m just going to assume nobody has ever figured out why, because I’m far too lazy to Google whether he actually has, and I don’t actually care that much.

Did you know Nelly no longer wears a Band-Aid on his cheek? It’s true! I saw him on TV Band-Aid-free and legitimately didn’t recognize him. That, in a way, makes Superman more plausible: If Nelly can disappear into a crowd by taking off a facial Band-Aid, it’s totally plausible Clark Kent can become Superman by taking off his glasses. Apparently humans are just unobservant.

Martha and the Vandellas – “Heat Wave”

I should probably save this one for the inevitable summer heat wave, since it’s going to be back in the 70s by Tuesday, but I like the tonal juxtaposition. Go ahead, find two less similar songs than “Heat Wave” and “Hot in Herre.” Try it! I dare you!

You can’t!

So, while I still don’t care why it’s spelled “herre” and will never learn even if you try to make me, I did get curious what a “vandella” is. According to Encyclopedia Britannica—which still exists!—it’s a portmanteau of Van Dyke, the street they lived on in Detroit, and Della Reese, one of Martha’s favorite musicians. That seems just ridiculous enough to be true. I’ve decided to believe it.

Foreigner — “Hot Blooded”

At this point, I’m just trying to pick the most dissimilar song to the previous one I listed. I’ve gone crazy during lockdown, you see, and I like to play little games like this to keep my mind sharp. It’s not working. My mind is no longer sharp.

This song is not about heat. Like most songs in the history of music, it’s about sex. The section of the song’s Wikipedia entry about its lyrical content describes it thusly: “Los Angeles Times critic Robert Hilburn explained the lyrics of ‘Hot Blooded’ as being ‘a macho-ish reflection of a rock star’s seductive intent.'”

Someone remind me to write an album review with the same detached, analytical tone as that sentence. It would be hilarious to me and brutally dull to everyone who reads it and isn’t in on the joke.

Billie Holiday — “Summertime”

It’s still technically spring, though you wouldn’t know it from the weather, but I don’t care. I outsourced this decision to my friend Holly, and she suggested this, and my column has nowhere near enough Billie Holiday, so it makes the cut.

Those of you who went to college in Humboldt or Santa Cruz probably recognize the first line and the melody of this song from Sublime‘s “Doin’ Time.” Good ear! “Summertime” is a standard from a musical so dozens of people have recorded it, and Sublime sampled the Herbie Mann version as well as lifted several lyrics. It really speaks to the underrated depth of Bradley Nowell’s influences, not that you’d have noticed while sitting in your dorm room with your friends as they don’t make a hot dog that’s, like, hamburger-shaped, and like, can go on a bun, like a burger.

Santana featuring Rob Thomas — “Smooth”

Man, it’s a hot one.

Like seven inches from the midday sun.

Oh, you thought you were getting out of this column without me putting “Smooth” by Santana and Rob Thomas in your head? Did you? It’s like you don’t know me at all. Of course I’m going to inflict a notorious earworm on you. But at least I picked a legitimately good song that just happens to be overplayed. When we do this again in July or August it will be much worse. Oh, it will be worse.

[Gokhman note: Let’s not do this again].

Follow editor Daniel J. Willis and tweet column ideas to him at Twitter.com/BayAreaData.