Arguably the most important skill in journalism is the ability to adapt. When your entire job revolves around what’s happening in the world, you need the ability to quickly shift gears when the world shifts gears. If you’re the type to set a firm schedule and expect to adhere to it, if you panic when your plans change while you’re in the middle of them, you’re probably not going to last long in the business.

While that’s more true in my day job where I cover weighty issues that affect the lives of thousands or even millions of children, it’s also true of stupid columns about music.

When “Jeopardy!” executive producer Mike Richards decided, after a long search involving a diverse array of people from throughout the world of news and entertainment, to hire repeat sexual harasser Mike Richards, I in turn decided to write a column about the fact that he’s a boring white guy who hired himself despite having national treasure LeVar Burton right there. Then Claire McNear of The Ringer decided to listen to Richards’ podcast about what “The Price is Right” was like behind the scenes. It was… not good.

On that podcast, which nobody at Sony Pictures Television apparently bothered listening to before announcing the hire and even filming a week of episodes, Richards said one-piece bathing suits make women look “really frumpy and overweight,” called a model a “booth slut,” and, and I can’t believe I’m not making this up, said the following sentence out loud into a microphone: “Ixnay on the ose-nay. She’s not an ew-Jay.”

I cannot stress enough that the legendary LeVar Burton actively campaigned for the job. He was asking them.

Anyway, obviously Richards “quit” (because they told him to, which means he was fired), so now it’s a column dragging him for being a misogynist.

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Weird Al Yankovic — “I Lost on Jeopardy”

OK, first off, this really drives home how little Weird Al has aged. In the video for this song (which I can’t embed), Art Fleming is hosting, and the amounts start at $20. Obviously, it’s ancient. And yet here’s Weird Al in that and in his video for “Foil” exactly 30 years later:

He actually got younger.

But this isn’t about Weird Al, for once. To paraphrase him, via Don Pardo, there is an appropriate message to Richards in the song: “That’s right, Mike! You lost! But that’s not all! You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people! And you brought shame and disgrace on your family name for generations to come! You don’t get to come back tomorrow! You don’t even get a lousy copy of our home game! You’re a complete loser!”

Frank Zappa — “Dumb All Over”

This really is the song of our era. It’s unsettling, it’s rambling, it’s vaguely surreal and [Gokhman note: It’s like this column, really…] it’s about religious extremists using religion to justify racism and violence. He really captured the 2020s in just over six minutes.

For our purposes, though, the first… verse? Does this count as a verse? The first stanza? Whatever. The first bit should be what Sony execs are saying to themselves right now: “Whoever we are/ Wherever we’re from/ We should’ve noticed by now/ Our behavior is dumb.”

When he guest-hosted his first episode a year or so ago, everyone naturally rushed to Google to find out who the heck he is and why he got the second slot behind “Jeopardy!” legend Ken Jennings. The first thing to come up were the multiple sexual harassment lawsuits, even ahead of the announcement he was in consideration to host the show—which right there should have been a red flag for Richards’ bosses.

But then, after all those guest hosts, he comes to those same bosses and says: “Good news, I decided to hire myself.” And they… assumed he did due diligence on himself? They just let him pick himself to be the face of their globally famous property without doing their own checking? Like I said, his podcast was online the whole time; they couldn’t have had an intern listen to it to make sure he didn’t say anything sexist or anti-Semitic?

Their behavior is dumb.

Helen Reddy — “I Am Woman”

Can you imagine that even 10 years ago that someone would get fired from a high-profile job for saying sexist things about “Price is Right” models? Sexism, in general, was way more accepted. Doubly so for women in professions like modeling or acting, where men felt entitled to say whatever they wanted about their looks. And now a giant multinational conglomerate marched a dude out the door after less than a week over it.

I’m not saying sexism is fixed and things are great for women. Like I’ve said repeatedly, everyone knew about the sexual harassment suits before the announcement. Either nobody heard the podcasts or nobody cared. Sony obviously hoped it would all just kind of go away. In fact, Richards still gets to be executive producer of the show. But we’re a bit closer to a fair and equitable society than we were, so at least progress is being made, even if it’s agonizingly slow.

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Lily Allen — “Fuck You”

What better song to dedicate to Mike Richards and his attitudes toward women. And Jewish people, which is still a curveball. I did not expect antisemitism, too.

Why not use “Fuck You” by CeeLo Green? Because when accused of sexual assault Green tweeted, “People who have really been raped REMEMBER!!!” and “If someone is passed out they’re not even WITH you consciously! So WITH implies consent.” Dude. Then he pleaded no contest to giving a woman ecstasy, but the sexual assault charges were dropped.

Evoken — “Atra Mors”

But Richards isn’t the only new host! They also announced “Blossom” actress and neuroscientist Mayim Bialik was hosting some primetime specials. As you might have guessed from the fact I busted out the doom metal, I’ve got beef with her, too.

First, in 2017 she published an op-ed in the New York Times titled “Being a Feminist in Harvey Weinstein’s World” and said the following:

“I dress modestly. I don’t act flirtatiously with men as a policy. I am entirely aware that these types of choices might feel oppressive to many young feminists. Women should be able to wear whatever they want. They should be able to flirt however they want with whomever they want. Why are we the ones who have to police our behavior? In a perfect world, women should be free to act however they want. But our world isn’t perfect. Nothing—absolutely nothing—excuses men for assaulting or abusing women. But we can’t be naïve about the culture we live in.”

That’s a really flowery way of asking sexual harassment and assault victims what they were wearing. Maybe those models on “The Price is Right” shouldn’t have worn such revealing clothes if they didn’t want Richards to publicly scrutinize their bodies.

Oh, and while she’s recently said she’s vaccinated and her kids are vaccinated, in her 2012 book, she claimed to be a vaccine-free household and said her kids hadn’t gotten their scheduled vaccines. Clearly Sony pushed her to make a statement refuting that, which she did, but she immediately followed up with another defensive message about how it’s nobody’s business whether her kids are vaccinated.

Just hire LeVar Burton, you morons.

Follow editor Daniel J. Willis and tweet column ideas to him at Twitter.com/BayAreaData.