Our illustrious editor Roman Gokhman pointed out to me this week that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced its nominees. I of course didn’t know this, because Halls of Fame are kind of dumb on a conceptual level, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is the worst. It’s not even limited to rock music! Deliver what you promise!

Then I remembered that I can never think of column topics, so I checked the list. It’s, to say the least, a really good group. It wasn’t a fan vote as much as a fan Sophie’s Choice.

Apparently there is no maximum number of inductees per year—there were 16 of them once—but for the sake of brevity I’m limiting it to the average number per year, which Wikipedia says is five to seven. That means I’m splitting the difference and picking six. And they’ll be in alphabetical order.

Devo — “Beautiful World”

See, this is why the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is a joke: They haven’t inducted Devo? Are you kidding me?!

Everyone knows “Whip It,” which is fine, but it really doesn’t capture who the band is or what it does. Founded in 1973, Devo was founded to champion the idea, based on the Kent State massacre, that human evolution has not just stopped but started going backward. Devo is short for “de-evolution.”

Based on the 2020s, so far it’s hard to say they were wrong.

Not only is Devo a political statement of dark deadpan humor, it’s a champion of experimental punk, electronic music and countless other things. It was one of the first bands to embrace music videos! Also, seriously, if you look beyond “Whip It,” Devo is really great at music. Seeing them at Burger Boogaloo was definitely a bucket list item.

How are they not in the Hall already?!

Judas Priest — “Another Thing Comin'”

I was going to lead each entry with the bands I had to skip to keep my list to seven but I got so outraged about Devo that I forgot, so let’s start with everything not included up to Judas Priest.

Beck is amazing but not as deserving as the seven I picked; Pat Benatar is a legend but doesn’t have as many all-time great songs as the others; Kate Bush is hugely influential but lacks commercial popularity; Duran Duran hurts to not include but would have made it if there were seven; Eminem is overrated except for “Lose Yourself,” fight me; Eurythmics are hugely talented but mostly coasting on “Sweet Dreams.”

That brings us to Judas Priest: I shouldn’t have to explain myself. They’re such a foundational part of heavy metal that it’s galling they aren’t already in. They were founded in Birmingham in 1969 and Black Sabbath (inducted 2006) was founded in Birmingham in 1968. Between the two of them, they made metal a thing.

Also, Rob Halford needs to be inducted somehow. He’s the Metal God. His voice is the stuff of legends.

Dolly Parton — “Jolene”

This time I skipped Fela Kuti, MC5, and the New York Dolls. All deserving but none of them are Dolly Parton. Nobody is Dolly Parton.

I know I complained earlier that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducts non-rock artists, but, look, Dolly Parton gets to be whatever genre she wants. She’s having a personal renaissance lately, and deservedly so, but what gets lost in the glowing tributes to her personally are what a good musician she is.

If you don’t click play on the embedded videos, make an exception and listen to “Jolene.” Even if you’ve heard it a million times. Really listen to it. That song is country, yes, but if a rock band released it sounding exactly like that, it would still work. If a metal band included it as a power ballad, it would work. And that’s not her only song that good! Look at the cover up there, it says it’s featuring “I Will Always Love You” as an afterthought!

ABBA was inducted before Dolly. For shame.

Rage Against the Machine — “Bombtrack”

I didn’t skip any this time because the next band was Rage Against the Machine.

Look, I kind of get why it wouldn’t get inducted. The rock hall is extremely corporate-sponsored and Rage is not friendly to corporations. It’s going to use the induction as a platform for protest. It’s going to make a whole bunch of people really angry.

To those concerns, I have two responses:

First, you can’t be the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and fear controversy. Rock and roll is inherently controversial. It started out controversial and was part of every radical movement of the 20th century after its creation. Fearing controversy as the rock hall is like fearing violence as the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Second, Rage Against the Machine is objectively one of the best bands of all time. The first three songs off its first album were “Bombtrack,” “Killing in the Name,” and “Take the Power Back,” which is easily the most brick-to-the-face hardcore start to a music career of all time. Imagine, in 1992, putting the debut tape from some new band in your car in the record store parking lot, and getting assaulted by those songs. Transcendent.

Also, Rage Against the Machine was totally right. Some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses. We all know that now.

Lionel Richie — “All Night Long”

At this point I’m just on an unbroken run down the list, but can you blame me? Lionel Richie was one of the biggest stars in the world in the mid-’80s, he has to be in.

I know his genre of music has unjustly become somewhat of a punchline, but come on. “All Night Long,” “Hello,” “Say You Say Me,” all gold. And that’s not even touching his time with the Commodores.

As great as “Summer in the City” is, you can’t say the Lovin’ Spoonfull deserves to be in but not Lionel Richie.

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A Tribe Called Quest — “I Left My Wallet In El Segundo”

Leaving off Carly Simon stung, but if I left off the Eurythmics for coasting on one song, I have to be consistent. Sorry Carly.

I’m a sucker for the era of hip-hop between the very simple early stuff of the ’80s and the dominance of Tupac and Biggie in the mid-’90s. There was a refinement the early stuff lacked, mixed with a combination of intellectualism and humor. They had something to say, something hip-hop gradually lost over time, and they said it with wit and charm.

This honor should have come when Phife Dawg could have participated, but better late than never.

Now, watch the rock hall induct everyone except these six.

Follow editor Daniel J. Willis and tweet column ideas to him at Twitter.com/BayAreaData.