REWIND: ‘Star Trek’ and music have a long, strange history

Star Trek: The Next Generation

“Star Trek: The Next Generation.”

I like to consider myself a complex, multifaceted person, but in actuality I’m just multiple types of nerd. I’m a comic book nerd with a near-obsessive love of Superman that spilled over into being a Marvel Cinematic Universe nerd. I’m a “Star Wars” nerd; the good kind, not the kind that hates any human character that’s not a white man on principle. I’m a Tolkien nerd, a video game nerd—all manner of nerd.

For the purposes of this column, though, let’s focus on two of my biggest areas of nerdery: “Star Trek” and music.

This past Thursday was the Season 3 premiere of “Star Trek: Picard.” I loved the first two seasons, in no small part because Jean-Luc Picard is one of my favorite characters in all of entertainment. But this season promises to surpass them by being the conclusion to “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” possibly my all-time favorite TV show, that we never really got.

But how do I turn my curiosity about the mother of Geordi LaForge’s kids into a music column? (Seriously, the dude had a worse dating history than me.) Well, fortunately, musicians are Trekkies [Gokhman note: Should this be “Trekkers?”] too and have made lots of shoutouts.



The Beastie Boys — “The Brouhaha”

The Beastie Boys shout out “Star Trek” all the time, so it was hard to pick one. I was tempted to use “Intergalactic” because of the “pinch on the neck of Mr. Spock” line, or “Ch-Check It Out” because of the “Star Trek” parody video. Instead, I went with “The Brouhaha,” since it’s multiple lines:

“Communicator check one two one two/ This is Bones McCoy on a line to Sulu/ Set the bullshit to warp factor one/ Check your tri-corder, set your phaser to stun.”

“Intergalactic” is still a way better song, but that’s not the subject of the column, is it?


Hawkwind — “Beam Me Up”

The connection in this one kinda speaks for itself. The name is the reference.

The lyrics aren’t really about “Star Trek,” but it’s a Hawkwind song, so it really isn’t about anything in particular. It’s definitely the reference though; it’s a band playing space rock, which is like prog rock but nerdier, and it’s on an album called Alien 4.

I joke about Hawkwind, but it did have Lemmy in the band. The most metal guy in history, Lemmy from Motörhead, played bass for them from 1971 to 1975. Legendary drummer Ginger Baker played with them for a year in the early ’80s as well, and Eric Clapton played guitar on one song on 2018 album Road to Utopia. I guess after 50 years, it’s a prestige act, somehow.



T’Pau — “Heart and Soul”

“What does this song have to do with ‘Star Trek?'” you may be asking. “Is the hook a sound effect from the show or something?”

It’s not the song, it’s the band. T’Pau is the name of a Vulcan.

OK, so remember the Original Series episode “Amok Time,” where Spock has pon farr, a condition where he goes crazy and has to mate or he’ll die? He goes back to Vulcan to marry and get it on with his arranged-marriage wife, T’Pring, but she was cheating on him with a dude named Stonn. Through tortured plot machinations, Spock has to fight Kirk in a ritual battle to the death called kal-if-fee, and it’s never explained why a culture based on pure logic would still have ritual fights to the death over arranged marriages.

Yes, of course I remembered all that off the top of my head. You didn’t?

Anyway, the Vulcan high priestess who oversees the wedding-turned-deathmatch was named T’Pau, and that’s where the band got its name. Nerdy deep cut.


Viktor Vaughn — “The Drop”

If you’re a comic book nerd (ahem), you may notice that Viktor Vaughn sounds a lot like the given name of “Fantastic Four” villain Victor von Doom. It is! And who else named himself after Dr. Doom? The legendary MF DOOM.

This is a pseudonym by MF DOOM is what I’m saying. It’s really obvious when you hear it. Nobody else has a flow like that.

Anyway, as you may have told from most of his rap names, the man had a nerdy streak. That’s how you get a verse like this:

“Ensign, he shoulda asked his upperclassmen/ Before he bust blast em, never trust no Cardassians/ Captain’s log supplemental/ The Klingons are now aboard the Enterprise rental vessal/ On my cue, photon torpedo.”

You should be a bigger fan of MF DOOM.



Leonard Nimoy — “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”

Look, I had to include one song from a “Star Trek” cast member. I wasn’t going to subject you to Shatner, obviously. Avery Brooks (who played Sisko on “Deep Space Nine”) was tempting since he’s a fantastic singer, but I kind of wanted to make jokes and his jazz album is pretty good. And of course there’s Brent Spiner, who played Data and released an album of WWII-era pop standards called Ol’ Yellow Eyes Is Back in 1991. I am not making that last one up. Brent Spiner is a fantastic human being.

No, I’m going with Spock himself. Leonard Nimoy’s hit single “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins” is a retelling of “The Hobbit” in song form. It’s perfect. No notes.

Look, I warned you I’m also a Tolkien nerd.

Follow publisher Daniel J. Willis and tweet column ideas to him at Twitter.com/BayAreaData.

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