Johnny Cash poses for a portrait in Memphis in 1957. Photo by Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images.

In three of the last four years (as I explained in one of them, I was a bit preoccupied in 2020) I’ve attempted to find secular Easter songs that were appropriate but not especially likely to offend anyone. Like I’ve repeatedly said, I usually try to respect people’s religious beliefs.

The conclusion from those 14 songs (I managed to include “White Rabbit” twice due to poor research; I am a professional journalist) is that there aren’t really many appropriate, non-secular Easter songs. On the one hand, that poses a problem for me because tomorrow it’s Easter again and I need to write a column. But on the other hand, this is a good time for alternate solutions, because it’s been a very long and exhausting week and my better nature is the first thing to go when I get tired.

What I’m saying is that Easter, in essence, is about someone rising from the grave. So at the risk of doing a massive blasphemy, here are some songs about the undead.

Misfits — “Astro Zombies”

Hear me out: If you make some assumptions and stretch some meanings, you can plausibly claim that “Astro Zombies” could be about everyone’s favorite 19th century end times prophecy, the Rapture.

Jesus is not a zombie, but he did rise from the dead so it’s a valid allegory. He isn’t prophesized to come from space, but he is supposed to descend from heaven, which implies he is coming from above, and it could count. “The land shall be entirely emptied and utterly plundered” from Isiah 24:3 translated through Misfits-era Glenn Danzig could plausibly become the lines “rape this land,” “I’m gonna live my life to destroy your world” and “exterminate the whole fuckin’ race” from the song.

Or it’s just a horror punk song about a zombie apocalypse where the zombies came from space. One or the other.

Nekromantix — “Nice Day For A Resurrection”

OK, listen, this is not an appropriate song. Not just for a religious holiday but in general. But I love that “what a nice day for a resurrection” is almost an appropriate sentiment for the occasion, then you listen to every single other line and realize, “oh, this is from the perspective of a vampire.” It’s a fairly sexual song about a vampire rising after draining someone of blood in a cemetery, with a title and one line that works.

I don’t promise that the next couple will be appropriate, but they will be more appropriate. I just like this song, because I like horror-themed songs with a retro vibe.

Lacuna Coil — “Zombies”

This song always confused me because the lyrics are about ghosts rather than zombies. There’s not really any zombies in it. Not sure where the name came from.

Yes, the “lying preachers” line isn’t very Christian. But changing the world and scaring away reality is on topic! Jesus was, in his time, a radical. He was on the outer edge of progressive thought, challenging just about every system; the rich, the state and the church. A lot of what he said—camels passing through the eyes of needles, loving social outcasts and sinners, how you treat the least of these is how you treat me—is the outer edge of progressive thought now!

I’m just saying, if you read the actual book, in our time Jesus would be a lot more Tom Morello than Toby Keith.

Hollywood Undead — “Undead”

Rap-rock is, to put it mildly, not my favorite. And yeah, this is still pretty blasphemous to include for Easter for several reasons. But from the perspective of the edgy “wear a nail pendant rather than a cross” flavor of American Christianity that was all the rage a decade or so ago, the chorus is basically a gritty retelling of the story with quite a bit of creative license. “You better get up out the way/ Tomorrow we’ll rise so let’s fight today/ You know I don’t give a fuck what you think or say/ ‘Cause we’re gonna rock this whole place anyway” sounds like it could have been a tortured attempt to be hard by an ’00s Christian rap-rock band—if you cut the profanity of course.

Johnny Cash — “How Great Thou Art”

I’ve had my provocative, inappropriate fun. My apology is Johnny Cash singing gospel at Folsom Prison. There is a studio version but, as with anything he played at Folsom, it sounds better at Folsom. So no hard feelings for the zombie stuff, OK? … OK?

Whether you celebrate Easter, or whether you celebrate it in church or by biting the head off a chocolate bunny, I hope you have a good day. People of any faith can enjoy a Cadbury egg, so it’s a good time of year for us all.

Follow publisher Daniel J. Willis and tweet column ideas to him at Twitter.com/BayAreaData.