Mark Lanegan of the Screaming Trees and Queens Of The Stone Age performs at Koko in London on June 22, 2017. Photo by Alberto Pezzali/NurPhoto.

As brilliant a music columnist as I am, it doesn’t pay the bills. So by day I’m a data journalist covering education. This week the outlet I work for had a retreat to Muir Woods.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the woods. I went to UC Santa Cruz in large part because it’s located in the woods. There’s a redwood tree in my backyard, despite my city, Concord, having the exact opposite climate in which those trees thrive. It was an excellent retreat. The problem is that we walked through the woods and my knees are made of wet tissue paper and old rubber bands. Of everything I’m bad at—and it’s a long list—walking is among the worst.

I could probably check the news, look at the calendar, find some more universal event to use as a topic. But my knees hurt so I’m gonna write what I know. Here are some songs about the woods.

Screaming Trees — “In the Forest”

A better writer would find songs that are subtle, doing their best to not be too on the nose. But I’m tired, so I’m too on the nose twice: Not only is the song called “In the Forest” but the band is called Screaming Trees. It doesn’t get much more thematic than that!

It helps that I’m stuck in the ’90s and, while Screaming Trees started in the mid-’80s, the late Mark Lanegan and co. were essentially proto-grunge. At the time, they were called a psychedelic hard rock band from the Pacific Northwest. Through the lens of history, that’s definitely grunge before there was a term for it. They’re on the list with Soundgarden and the Melvins as pioneers of the genre.

Also: Tree theme.

KT Tunstall — “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree”

There are no cherry trees in Muir Woods; it’s mostly coast redwoods. But your judgement can’t hurt me because I don’t care.

This is one of my favorite songs of 2004. Flash forward to 2020 and Tunstall released a song telling people to wash their hands when that was the big thing, and I interviewed her over Zoom when that was novel. And she was even cooler than I expected! We chatted for about double the time we were scheduled, we held our respective dogs up to our respective cameras; it was a really good time.

You should buy some of her music. When so many people are jerks, a good one deserves your money.

Rush — “The Trees”

I can’t stand Rush.

For some reason nerds loved Rush in the ’90s, so I’ve nearly gotten in fights over that position but I stand by it. I don’t like Rush! Even the good songs! We all have those bands we just have an irrational dislike of and, for me, this is one of them. I make no apologies for it.

You may be wondering, then, why I knew they have a song about oak trees and willow trees fighting. I don’t know why. I’ve been making jokes about the premise for years. I am a riddle wrapped in an enigma.

The Cure — “A Forest”

The Cure started as a new wave band. One of the earliest ones, actually. That lasted for one album before Robert Smith got all moody and started wearing black, and then they pioneered goth. Like… the concept of goth. You wouldn’t have Type O Negative or The Cult without The Cure. Whether that’s good or bad is up to personal taste.

Anyway, this is Cure song is definitely a metaphor. I don’t know what for. Probably sadness.

The Proclaimers — “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)”

Yes, I’m breaking the theme, but I like this song and it gives me the opportunity to whine one more time: According to my Apple Watch, the hike was two miles and I feel like I ran three marathons. No disrespect to my company or the retreat’s organizers, but ow. Ow!

Statistically, most of RIFF’s readership are youths, so take my advice: Take care of your knees and, if at all possible, stop aging.

Follow publisher Daniel J. Willis and send column ideas to him at @bayareadata.press on BlueSky. (He has some invites if you ask nicely.)