Taylor Swift performs at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, Calif. on July 28, 2023.

Tomorrow is my birthday, which means I get to be even lazier than usual writing my column.

For the first few years, I would celebrate by just listing five songs I like with no obvious theme and minimal effort expended on the descriptions. But our illustrious editor Roman Gokhman pointed out that as I run out of novel column ideas, that’s pretty much every week. So last year in honor of my 40th birthday I went over the Billboard Top 10 on the day I was born. They weren’t very good.

Despite their quality, it was an easy column to write and I didn’t have to think of the songs, so as my birthday present to myself, I’m doing something similar again this year. Let’s travel through time, listening to the top song on each of my birthdays that ended in zero.

Nov. 12, 1982: Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes — “Up Where We Belong”

As we went over last year, the top song on the day I was born was a Joe Cocker song from a movie. And not even a cool movie; it was from “An Officer and a Gentleman.”

I haven’t actually looked these up before I started writing so you can get my immediate, unfiltered snap reactions. If history is any indication, they won’t be good. At least my 10th birthday falls squarely within the grunge era, I like grunge.

Nov. 12, 1992: Boyz II Men — “End of the Road”

I’ll admit it, I don’t actually know this song. I think this is the first time I’ve ever heard it, in fact. All I know is “Motownphilly” and “I’ll Make Love to You,” the latter of which I thought this song was until well over a minute into it. The cadence of the chorus sounds suspiciously similar. So that’s a bad sign.

Apparently this song is also from a movie, “Boomerang” starring Eddie Murphy. I’ve never heard of that either but it was apparently popular; the no. 3 song on the charts was also from the movie. It’s by PM Dawn and it’s also not very good. But no. 6 was “Jump Around” by House of Pain so, you know… that’s something. [Gokhman note: I remember “Boomerang” as being a good movie, even though I don’t remember a single thing about it].

Nov. 12, 2002: Eminem — “Lose Yourself”

OK, now we’re talking! This is the only Eminem song I actually like!

Thank God there’s a good song in one of these. There have not been many I legitimately like a lot. But we got one; my birthday isn’t cursed!

Also, I’m sure you’ve noticed by now: This is another song from a movie. That’s three for three. What are the odds of that? Early ’90s, fine, that was a thing. The eighties? They happened. But 2002? That’s uncanny! Is 2012 the same? What movies came out then? The suspense is killing me.

Nov. 12, 2012: Maroon 5 — “One More Night”

Well then. That breaks a couple streaks, doesn’t it.

First, obviously, it’s not from a movie. It’s not even in a movie, it got overshadowed completely by “Moves Like Jagger,” which also isn’t any good because Mick Jagger isn’t a very good dancer. [Gokhman note: Blasphemy]. According to IMDb, it was in an episode of “Arrow” in 2013, an episode of “Girls” in 2014 and that’s it. Terrible.

Also, Adam Levine’s tattoos are embarrassing. Just a disgrace all around. Terrible birthday.

My hopes are not especially high for last year. I’m old so nobody makes good music anymore.

Nov. 12, 2022: Taylor Swift — “Anti-Hero”

Well played, universe. Well played.

Yeah, this is good. Taylor Swift is a fantastic artist and this is a good song. I know everyone’s either the biggest fan ever or an unabashed hater, but she’s talented as a performer and songwriter and this song is catchy, so I’m OK with this. It doesn’t make up for Maroon 5, but I’ll take what I can get.

My bet for the top song of Nov. 12, 2032? Either some depressing totalitarian march we’re forced to listen to by President for Life Ben Shapiro or no song at all because the world is on fire and everyone roams the wasteland searching for water. But I’m an optimist.

Follow publisher Daniel J. Willis and send column ideas to him at @bayareadata.press on BlueSky. (He has some invites if you ask nicely).