Insert Foot: Rx side effects, Bernie Sanders, songs about pickup trucks

Bernie Sanders, Jon Bon Jovi

INSERT FOOT and Bernie Sanders vs. Jon Bon Jovi and pickup trucks.

January and February aren’t usually the best months for the entertainment industry. Even when we’re not dodging explosive murder germs.

Spring will be here before we know it. Let’s try to keep things … nice, until then.

Typically, no one has any money in January after trying to keep their tribe happy in December. Everyone feels fat and self-deludes into believing they’ll remember directions to the gym.

Film studios quietly send former good ideas that became forgettable movies into theaters, hoping the smell won’t last long. Some bands that don’t compete well the rest of the year might tour, only to remind us why we don’t care the other 10 months.

Bars and restaurants and weddings and other ways local entertainers pay bills are still shut down right now, instead of going through the annual slight suffering because everyone swore off parties while praying no one remembered their behavior at the holiday party.

They even schedule bad weather and pandemics for this time of the year. At least California can’t burn while the mud prepares to slide.

But, hey, the New Radicals reunited after 22 years.

Be nice. I kind of liked that one song with the video … in the mall, with that girl … they put the stuffy mall adults in animal cages. Then the guy attacked a yogurt machine because we used to imprison adults in malls and slurp yogurt straight from the spigot in the ’90s. It’s no longer amusing now that we’re the adults being randomly stuffed into cages when we go to the mall by kids with poor yogurt hygiene.

I think my point was … give me a minute … it was a nice song and it’s all about being nice and positive right now, with good reason. We seem to have a nice new, old president named Joe Biden with a nice wife named Jill Biden who–like so many great first ladies–is already threatening to some less accomplished white people for no good reason.

Another positive development making people smile is the pop culture idolization of America’s favorite commie uncle, Bernie Sanders, and his liberal, labor-loving mittens. The love probably comes a year too late for Bernie’s grand plan to hand over the White House to a dead Venezuelan dictator, but we take what we can get.

And if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all about the terrifying Jon Bon Jovi cover of “Here Comes the Sun.”

That was nice. Notice me not pointing out it was like watching my high school years suddenly show up out of nowhere in a commercial in which the last 25 seconds are devoted to listing side effects. I’m sorry, Jon Bon Jovi.

Take a deep breath and try looking forward while avoiding throwing your laptop through a window because your vaccination tier hasn’t been called yet. The good news is there’s even a vaccination to not get yet.

More good news: Our life expectancy isn’t what it used to be. Because, as someone said upon hearing Larry King died at 87 years old, didn’t he seem much older?

That was also my first reaction. But, really, if a guy can live long enough to fail at marriage that many times and keep trying, there’s hope for some of us.

More good news: Country music is writing more songs than ever about trucks. Having no idea how I got there, I was perusing automotive site (seriously, none; I hit keys–things happen), when I saw something pointing out how 6.25 percent of all country songs written since 2000 reference trucks. That is weird to those of us who already understood just one percent of all 20th century country songs, in fact, referenced trucks. Which is a whopping … more … songs about trucks.

I just figured out why I failed at music. I never owned a truck.

I’m suddenly flashing back to an Aerosmith show earlier I attended when the band’s commercial viability demanded it allow a new truck on stage. I actually remember two of them … maybe one was just a really big roadie.

No wonder Aerosmith was so successful. They got the truck thing.

I’m going to look for a truck.

Follow music critic Tony Hicks at

No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *