Insert Foot vs. Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez canceled her summer tour last week because the most career-driven human being who’s ever inhabited Planet Earth has decided she suddenly needs to spend more time with her family.

C’mon … family? Really? Entertainers and failing politicians need to come up with better excuses for not doing what they said they could do. Nobody stays home because of their family. Unless they don’t have much choice.

Right. Like me.

My kids are too smart to read this, so I can say that. But J.Lo actually released a statement, of which my favorite line was “I promise I will make it up to you and we will all be together again.” That, ironically, is what she tells her kids every time she leaves for weeks at a time.

“Be together again?” Uh … you sure about that, Jenny from the block?

Just to be official, the statement said:

“A Special Message to My JLovers OnTheJLo:

‘I am completely heartsick and devastated about letting you down. Please know that I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t feel that it was absolutely necessary. I promise I will make it up to you and we will all be together again.

“I love you all so much.

“Until next time …’”

Sounds like she took the last lifeboat and left us bailing water from the deck.

Or is it the other way around? I wasn’t going to her show anyway. Lopez was supposed to play Chase Center in San Francisco on July 16, the night before the Stones play Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara. My medical team only allows me so much excitement in such short bursts.

Yet I may still be having a better year than J.Lo. Her new album This is Me… Now didn’t sell very well (this publication liked it) for such a supposed megastupendoussuperstar (though the accompanying movie did OK). Her new Netflix movie, “Atlas,” is doing about as well as her ex-boyfriend P. Diddy’s future employment prospects.

Lopez is also supposedly having marriage problems with Ben Affleck, of which I was going to make light until I remembered no one is lining up to have marital problems with me (I also never was mistaken for Batman, because second grade Halloween doesn’t count).

Lopez rebranded her tour once already this year, from the This Is Me… Now Tour to “This Is Me… Live | The Greatest Hits” tour, an obvious attempt to remind people she has greatest hits.

So what’s going on here? Are people spending too much money on giant festivals? Is J.Lo’s generation remembering how it used to pay $9 for arena shows (seriously) and deciding they’d rather buy groceries for three months?

Can we (please?) blame Ticketmaster and those insane service fees they get for basically existing? J.Lo’s not the only one getting bad advice about ticket prices and whether she can fill arenas. The Black Keys recently canceled their entire fall tour (and Chase Center show), in support of new album Ohio Players (which this publication loved), without much of an explanation (they couldn’t sell the tickets).

They did, finally, confirm in a statement they’re still alive and they canceled because, “Following the recent run of shows in the UK & Europe, including stops at iconic venues like Brixton Academy and the Zenith in Paris, we have decided to make some changes to the North American leg of the International Players Tour that will enable us to offer a similarly exciting, intimate experience for both fans and the band, and will be announcing a revised set of dates shortly.”

OK.

Or is it that The Black Keys’ big headlining days are over and J.Lo has finally passed her nearly 30-year expiration date? If so, what a run.

Lopez turns 55 on July 24. That isn’t so young anymore. I was born nearly two years before Lopez. Year 56 was when midnight became a memory and I decided elevators were humanity’s greatest accomplishment.

Sources close to J.Lo’s tour told Variety the cancelations really are for personal reasons. So let’s blame Ben …

I actually have a lot of respect for J.Lo. I saw her live 17 or so years ago. And I was very surprised. Being a professional music snob, I wasn’t sure if she’d ever done a big tour before and figured, since she wasn’t the world’s most powerful singer, would deliver something big on flash and piped-in vocals.

Then she showed up and completely killed it, dancing her ass off while singing live (there may have been some backing tracks, but she was mostly live) and delivering a very good show. Oh, and she was four months pregnant with twins, it turned out.

So that was the last time I underestimated Jennifer Lopez. Big respect to the hardest working woman in showbiz. I hope you’re not done yet.

Follow music critic Tony Hicks at Twitter.com/TonyBaloney1967.