Insert Foot on the Jane’s Addiction kerfuffle.

The Interwebs sure caught fire Saturday morning.

Hysterical people were suffering nervous breakdowns as if their beloved pets were being devoured by marauding immigrants, once that video went public of Perry Farrell pushing his skinny little rocker chest into Dave Navarro’s skinny little rocker chest at the Jane’s Addiction show Friday in Boston.

Oh how SAD, someone cried. This is a terrible way for a legendary band to DIE, howled another. Others desperately asked: Who was on drugs? Who was too drunk? Who was right? Who was wrong? Where did Perry get those pants?

Who cares?

This was not Ali-Frazier III. It was a couple sensitive egos having a pushing match over who was louder on stage, according to subsequent reports. That, of course, isn’t the whole story, but it doesn’t make it a big deal unless someone was looking for an excuse to quit the band. Again.

These guys have been friends or bandmates since the beginning of time (the ’80s). If this was the first time some skinny-belly bucking happened among members of Jane’s Addiction — very artistic, likely sensitive fellows who were known to do a drug and have a drink one or three times — it would be very surprising.

If it hasn’t happened, it was probably overdue. Even bassist Eric Avery—who first quit the band in the early ’90s, skipped a couple reunions, rejoined and quit again in 2010 only to rejoin in 2022—got in on the action, allegedly taking the golden opportunity to punch Farrell in the stomach a couple times as roadies tried to break the mess up.

That probably felt good. For Avery, not Farrell.

I’m not picking sides, but look, there is no absolutely nothing on the planet that defines “love-hate relationship” like those of bandmates. Not even close. And I’ve been divorced 25 times.

OK, twice. But I’ve wanted to murder every human being with whom I’ve ever been in a band at some point. And they’ve all wanted to murder me (but couldn’t, because I was too sweaty to touch and carried thick wooden sticks). Play in enough bands, and you become familiar with the desire to kill.

The closest I came was throwing a stick at a singer during rehearsal. Even angry, I purposely missed, because you need your artsy but valuable singer to not get pouty and go home. Singers are sensitive. I also threw a bass player into a juniper bush once, but bass players usually have that coming, so nobody complained.

I have also called nearly every one of those guys my brothers and openly admit to sharing something with them I could never replicate anywhere else. We all really like each other now that we’re old and don’t play together regularly because we’re too busy taking naps and hanging bird feeders in our yards.

And that was just in the bands I was in, which never made a dime. We never did big tours or fought about publishing rights and songwriting credits.  Money meant the stuff jingling in our pockets to scrape together for Taco Bell.

People in real bands spend years together; for long stretches, more time than they spend with their families. Young bands frequently live together, work the same day jobs, rehearse together, then socialize together. Your first couple bands likely go to school together. My guys and I did all that. It’s a LOT of time.

Musicians are artistic and sensitive, it’s true. They also crave attention. They also crave credit. Frequently, they crave the attention and credit the other guys get. There’s a natural food chain: (singer, guitarist, bassist, drummer … keyboardist?) and everyone knows it.

Mix all these factors together, and you have a bomb just waiting for a match. If you don’t believe me, get on YouTube. There’s some real viciousness happening out there with bands you’ve never heard of.

Add booze and drugs to the situation and your bad becomes “Lord of the Flies” in front of an audience. It’s miraculous more incidents like this don’t happen.

Actually, they have … there just didn’t used to be cameras in the hands of every audience member. The Eagles, The Kinks, Poison, The Who, Marilyn Manson, the Jesus and Mary Chain … even the Beatles allegedly brawled with Stuart Sutcliffe in the early days. Oasis used to threaten each other … maybe now that they’re back together, we’ll get lucky and get a real fight.

Most of those acts got through it and stayed together. I wouldn’t worry too much about Jane’s Addiction. Someone will go to rehab, say they’re sorry, and miraculously make up with a new tour. The show, and the money, must go on.