No, “The Last of Us” season finale was not an anti-abortion statement.

How is it possible to be surprised anymore? But I was, during a week many of us were totally not surprised when a former president of the United States got criminally indicted for (allegedly) bribing a porn star.

Rendering: Adam Pardee/STAFF.

I did a double, triple and quadruple take this week when I saw people discussing that “pro-life” statement at the end of “The Last of Us” finale a couple weeks back. Right, the ending in which our troubled protagonist Joel kills an entire hospital. It was “pro-life.”

If you’re a functioning adult who doesn’t watch as much TV as me, know “The Last of Us” is another post-apocalyptic deal, only with mushrooms taking over. I tried to ignore it, but it became impossible because it’s just too good. The premise is Joel (Pedro Pascal) keeping a 14-year-old girl named Ellie (Bella Ramsey) safe because she’s the key to possibly saving the world. By “she,” I mean her brain matter, which we find out near the end requires being surgically removed. Which, unfortunately, would result in Ellie no longer living.

That became a problem to one conservative writer when that child didn’t consent to doing so (which she likely would’ve done because Ellie, despite being a “child,” is very logical, brave and compassionate).

The writer argued a 14-year-old can’t legally consent to her own sacrifice and death because she’s only 14. Which, yes, is within an age range that now include girls who now have no say in some states whether they become 14-year-old mothers, but we’ll leave that alone for a minute.

By the way, anyone else notice Pedro Pascal’s characters becomes a real handful once he gets attached to a child?

Pascal’s Joel got attached to Ellie and basically killed a couple hundred people to save her. Which I get. I have a 14-year-old daughter to whom I’m attached. I might be a big fan of the common good, but if some doctor was trying to remove my daughter’s brain via surgery or Republican propaganda or whatever, you can bet I would find a gun and start shooting.

But that’s personal. And, as a progressive, I would certainly apologize the whole time.

Anyway, a starched shirt at the National Review started this silly debate by writing that with Joel’s slaughter of an entire hospital—including mask-wearing doctors trying to save Earth from the angry mushroom people—the show was “making jarringly pro-life messaging throughout the finale.”

Pro-life? Joel killed everyone. I was afraid some stray bullets were going to escape my TV and kill me.

The writer, Luther Ray Abel, wrote, “Despite the deaths of dozens and possibly, by the knock-on effect of potentially preventing the development of a cure, thousands, the finale is a pro-life statement. It’s pro-life because lives aren’t exchangeable. A young girl was scheduled to be killed because the world might suffer more if she were to live. There was no guarantee that her death would produce a panacea, either.”

No, there was no guarantee. But in 20 fictional years, one person was immune to the mushroom pizza people. She’s humanity’s best hope.

And, “Lives aren’t exchangeable?” Really? Yet so many conservatives fervently support the death penalty (an eye for eye isn’t an exchange?) and sending young people to fight in wars to benefit worldwide American capitalistic might. They support arming anyone who wants a gun and throw their hands in the air and say nothing can be done about mass shootings.

Abel supports his argument by pointing out 14-year-old Ellie didn’t choose to give her brain to science. Lives aren’t exchangeable, he said.

Which is, of course, untrue. How about all those 18-year-olds who didn’t choose to be drafted, yet went overseas and gave their brain matter in the name of American exceptionalism?  Oh … right. They were adults in the eyes of the law. But they wer nearly as young and many still weren’t allowed a choice. Lives were exchanged when they’re not supposed to be exchangeable.

Mr. Abel said Joel was “righteous” in his mass slaughter, which sounds a bit Biblical. Which could explain why Abel also criticized the show for allegedly its protagonists “fighting through pedophilic and cannibalistic Christians.”

Someone sounds defensive. “The Last of Us” didn’t make Christians into pedophiles. And I don’t remember a lot of those zombies wearing crosses.

And, just for fun, he also criticized the show’s deeply emotional, left-turn standalone episode about two people finding love among the insanity (which actually kept me from giving up on what I thought was just another zombie show at that point). Abel wrote, “Mid-season criticisms of the show had a lot to do with where the show-runners’ emphasis was—telling subversive love stories in the end of days—instead of progressing the plot or maintaining the integrity of the world’s internal logic.”

“Subversive love stories” is, of course, code for gay love, which he said didn’t progress the plot. The hell it didn’t; it was the first episode that even hinted that humanity was still worth saving.

The season ender wasn’t pro-life because robbing dozens of people of their lives to save one person makes no sense. That’s why it was so shocking. That’s why so many of us yelled “NOOO” when Joel blasted the brain surgeon. Big picture, it was the wrong thing to do. But it was also a very human thing to do. That’s why it worked. There likely wasn’t a good parent watching who didn’t say, “Yeah, that sucks but I get it.” But doctors in masks making life and death decisions about “children” apparently triggers some people.

It’s a dangerous idea. It’s the same logic that would convince someone with a gun to shoot up an abortion clinic. Which isn’t pro-life at all here in the real world.

And now, one of RIFF’s favorite songs from “The Last of Us” soundtrack:

Follow music critic Tony Hicks at Twitter.com/TonyBaloney1967.