Insert Foot vs. Mark Zuckerberg.

Meta; is that a cheese?

I first thought Marky Mark Zuckerberger and the No Fun Bunch over at Facebook was changing the name to “Meta” because, like me and most reasonable people, he loves cheese. He wants us to think of deliciously stale Greek goat milk when using his social network, which makes some weird sense, I decided.

Feta … Meta … whateva.

I then remembered The Tick telling his sidekick back in the 1990s, “Let’s get meta, Arthur!”

I honestly don’t remember where I live without asking, but I remember funny quotes from a ’90s cartoon. An exceptionally awesome ’90s cartoon. The brilliant writers of “The Tick” knew. We knew when we laughed in 1995. Everybody knows … except for the guy who’s supposed to be so much smarter than the rest of us.

There’s a reason people don’t use the word “meta.” Because it usually comes in the context of a joke. Even a year or two before Alfonse Gory invented the interwebs, even cartoons made fun of people who use the word “meta.”

My third thought–three in a row!–was, “Is it possible Mark Zuckerberg, for all his billions, world travels and apparent big braininess, really doesn’t get the mega-meta silliness of that word?

It’s a Greek word meaning “after” or “beyond.” Zuckerberg and his God complex are allegedly thinking “metaverse” and he’s trying to rally his paying fans to believe he’s just thinking so terribly big.

But you’ve seen the movies. You watch sports. You play board games … it’s strategy. Look over there; an explosion! Look; shiny lights! Big words! Greek words! The old clever diversion. Then zig when everyone looks for the zag.

In Suckerberg’s case, while we look for the zigging explanation, apology and honest rectification of his truckloads of Facebook sins–because some of us still believe in love, Santa Claus and hugging our dogs in an afterlife–he’s zagging, and doing so in a not so clever way.

Rebranding to make people think you’re getting a fresh start. That really hasn’t worked since The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo decided printing those T-shirts would cost way too much.

Sigh. Don’t you get tired of people with more money than us treating us like we’re stupid?

Creating and renaming a new umbrella company because ambition frequently outgrows familiarity isn’t necessarily a bad idea. Doing so with a straight face when your company is teetering on serious trouble for how it treats dishonesty as a commodity–that’s a whole other pile of cheese.

Zuckerberg backed up the idea of expansion forcing Facebook to go bigger with a new, dumb name, unveiling this week a bunch of tech gadgetry involving holograms for concerts, meetings, hanging with friends, gaming … whatever. Facebook dating isn’t really working (for some of us) so next time, maybe it’ll be holographic love for the loveless.

And what a time to pitch more layers of tech confusion. Excellent timing, Zuckerberg. Give us more ways to pretend we’re keeping busy when humans are absolutely desperate to connect with each other (again, Facebook dating, anyone?) We want to be in the same room again.

Two years ago this might’ve made sense. How many ideas, relationships and partnerships—how much greatness—have we lost by simply not being in the same room together the past couple years?

My most productive time, career-wise, was when I worked with a bunch of fun, creative people who would have loud, running conversations about what we should put in our newspaper. It’s how we connected, built friendships and romances. We made each other laugh all day. We could tell people liked each other’s ideas because we could see the maskless smiles on each other’s faces.

The pandemic happened. We adjusted and will again. But we’re not buying your BS, Zuckerberg. Honesty and apology and real effort into change goes so much further.

Facebook was a great idea. Even if it wasn’t Zuckerberg’s, he built it and deserves credit. Therefore, he also deserves the blame of what he allowed it to become. I’d rather see his humorless brainpower at least directed at doing good. Tell the truth, help end the pandemic, and make the world a better place to spend all your money. And stop treating us like idiots.

Follow music critic Tony Hicks at Twitter.com/TonyBaloney1967.