Insert Foot is Safe In Sound. Original image: Participants take part in a COVID-19 transmission risk assessment study on Aug. 22, 2020 in Leipzig, Germany. Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images.

The National Independent Venue Association (NIVA) and Event Safety Alliance (ESA), in partnership with three other groups with long names and a ton of capitalized initials, released a free reopening checklist for concert venues this week.

The checklist is called “Safe In Sound,” which you can also call (SIS) and make your own family jokes if so inclined or otherwise feeling a bit hysterical because you’re simply exhausted from COVID-19 talk.

I know I am. I write about this stuff all week. In the unlikely event I ever fathered another child, I would automatically write “COVID” on the birth certificate and not even realize it until the kid started kindergarten.

We’re all tired of hearing it. But the good news is we’re still alive to hear it. So no more whining.

It’s actually kind of exciting to think about not being dead or sick and being able to go to concerts again. I think we can handle a few extra rules. The guidelines cover things we’ve heard before, but now they apply to actually being around other humans in public. For example:

Air circulation: This is a biggie. We now know it’s much more difficult to transmit the COVID when there’s a lot of air flying around. The NIVA-ESA-SIS guidelines suggest venues use air filters and make sure there’s lot of air circulation.

The pandemic could actually improve the quality of venue restrooms, many of which previously required the use of nuclear weapons to clean. Disgusting COVID droplets (DCDs) circulate when people excessively scream, sing or otherwise do gross things with their mouths. No one is paying to hear you sing, anyway, so don’t. And your voice definitely doesn’t get better the more you drink.

Since we’re here, I have a feeling making a lot of these guidelines work may depend on how much people drink at venues; if they’re not already tired of alcohol after ingesting so much at home the past year. Not serving alcohol could fix many problems. But this is still America, after all, where we’re born with God-given rights to spend way too much money to humiliate ourselves in public. So …

Face coverings: No one is saying you should wear a mask because they think you have a gross disease (yes, they do). Nor do they say wear a mask because they don’t want to see half your face (they don’t). If you don’t get the mask thing by now, just stay home for another year or move to Florida or something.

Physical distancing: Same deal with this one; do it or stay home. Don’t be climbing inside someone else’s space. The guidelines recommend venues create physical barriers or mark floors to designate safe spacing. That is a great idea, until (again) we add alcohol to the mix.

Temperature checks: Even the official-sounding guidelines concede this one isn’t rational. You’re know they’re already giving up when they say it’s all about showing people science is taken seriously at this venue. No one believes that. It’s a big room full of people trying to look cool or acting like children. It’s not a library. The guidelines mention temperature checks could be a “deterrent” to keeping away people who don’t feel well. Uh … no.

Food and beverage: Guidelines suggest only serving people outdoors and using disposable menus.

Menus? I guess I’ve been going to the wrong venues.

Health implementation: Among other tips, it says to have an on-site health person and use pre-recorded messages telling everyone to behave because germs are gross. That makes perfect sense and needs doing. Then again, if they haven’t got that message, maybe there should just be giant misters full of sanitizer pass over the crowd every few minutes.

Touchless experiences: Again … alcohol, personal space, etc.

Routine surface cleaning: Like I said … giant misters. Everyone already smells like alcohol.

There are also rules for staff, performers, groupies (not really) and other people who hang around backstage. Basically, it’s up to everyone to remind everyone else to behave at places where people aren’t always used not behaving. We got used to a lot of new behaviors the past 14 months. The most important one now might be good behavior itself. Please DYP (do your part).

Follow music critic Tony Hicks at Twitter.com/TonyBaloney1967.