Insert Foot is ready for the Super Bowl halftime show.

Hi there! You all excited about today’s Super Bowl halftime show?

Awesome. Good for you! Up with people!

I’m not excited, and down with people. Halftime show people.

Disclaimer: I not going to hammer home my original angle, which was how the NFL’s race problem – which hasn’t looked this bad in decades – has prompted the No Fun League to awkwardly open its arms to a classic hip-hop salute for a halftime show.

To do so would minimize the idea that the musical era featuring Dr. Dre, Snoop, Eminem, Mary J. Blige and Kendrick Lamar is more than worthy of tribute, especially in Los Angeles. I mean, they let Maroon 5 do one of these things this one time and … ACKKKK ACKKKK.

But let’s just say, from the NFL’s perspective, having a hip-hop and R&B halftime show right now isn’t the worst thing. The league is awash in controversy over its inability to hire non-white coaches. About 70 percent of the league’s players are Black, while about 10 percent of it head coaches are Black; about the same for general managers.

So, yes, it’s the equivalent of someone calling the NFL racist and having the league get all huffy and start nervously listing off Black people it knew in high school to prove it’s not (by the way, I’m guessing Colin Kaepernick isn’t on that list).

So what was my point again … right. The Super Bowl halftime show is the most embarrassingly overblown thing in American pop culture next to the mostly lame Super Bowl commercials everyone loses their minds over. So why not relive some of the good old days at halftime?

Just get out of the way and stop yammering about the stupid commercials rich people want you to obsess over and let me watch a football game.

By the way … who’s playing?

It doesn’t matter (Los Angeles and Cincinnati), though the game actually has some compelling storylines.

All week I’ve been seeing old people on Facebook (that’s how I know they were old) posting halftime show previews with Eminem and Snoop and Dre and Blige and Lamar all supposedly getting ready for the big hip-hop show that lasts 20 minutes and involves coordinating more people than live in Canada.

For what? These things generally stay in our consciousness about as long as it takes to jam a handful of double-dipped guacamole Doritos into your pie hole.

Remember that year they couldn’t find anyone better than Coldplay to do the halftime show and had to buy Beyonce a tropical island (furnished) to do it with them? It was the most awkward musical pairing on television since they made Frank Sinatra stand next to Elvis, choke down a couple bars of an Elvis hit, and try not to strangle Elvis to death with his tuxedo tie when he was done.

Then there was the time Maroon 5 … ARRRGGG … nope. Sorry. Not yet.

OK, there was the time Springsteen played. There was the time U2 did the 9/11-themed show that was so emotionally raw. And, yes, the one year Prince talked God into making it rain while he played “Purple Rain.”

But other than those rare occasions, halftime is a really good time to visit the water closet, get some air, throw a football with your kid … sneak out of the party, drive home and watch the second half in peace.

I understand it’s all show business and understand the need to get crossover audiences interested in watching commercials that cost $7 million dollars per 30 seconds. But maybe if something different or meaningful happened…

Maybe if Dre snuck Kaepernick in and gave him a mic mid-show to explain the NFL’s biggest PR problem. His speech wouldn’t last more than 30 seconds before America’s network feeds got cut. But at least it would add some meaning to the otherwise meaningless (dumb) spectacle.

The questions the NFL would have to answer in the following days would be the most entertaining thing the NFL has done in in a long time.