Insert Foot: What you didn’t know you need to know about the Grammys

Smell that? It’s that time of year again.  

Bad movies, scant new music and uninteresting TV (not including “The Last of Us,” over which I didn’t cry; YOU cried) until March. Nobody wants to compete with NFL playoff hysteria. Which is why we get awards shows now. Not that awards shows are bad (they are; don’t tell my mom). But it’s a good time to talk about whatever great stuff that happened last year, because any new entertainment studios mistakenly made that ended up being worthy of a smelly landfill gets thrown out now in hopes that … who knows?

There’s no accounting for taste. Maybe something will hit; usually it doesn’t. When I was a fulltime music guy, one January I reviewed all of one show. And that was only because it was Cheap Trick.

The good news for those who ignored good movies the year before is that you can see them all in like 15 hours once they get re-released in theaters for a couple weeks after Oscar nominations are announced. And, if you’re a bad parent or still think like a 12-year-old boy (check and check) you can take your kids, pay for one movie, and sneak into the rest if you find the right cinemaplex enormodome.

Which leads us to the Grammys, the music award handed out by the National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences (NARAS), also called the Recording Academy; or the Latin Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences (LARAS), also called the Latin Recording Academy. Which is a lot to remember. Just think of them as the music world’s version of the Academy Awards, with less pressure, wilder fashion and more drinking.

I won’t pretend to understand much about the 2023 Grammys, but I used to pay attention. It was also fun to go up on Sunset Boulevard on Grammy night when I lived a couple blocks away and watch the drunk celebrities outside Roxbury.

So here’s a few things to know before the big show Sunday night; at least some things I find fascinating:

Never spell them “Grammies.” I learned that early on when a copy editor physically attacked me. It’s “Grammys.” I don’t understand why, because grammar and I hate each other. Which just made me wonder if there’s an award for good grammar called the Grammaries.

The Grammys are named after the gramophone. That’s not the hotline to one’s grandmother when parents are being mean to their kids (it was for me because my grandmother was like a mafia don). It’s what the first records were played on back when Leif Erikson discovered Milwaukee.

The first Grammys were in 1959 in Los Angeles. There were 28 winners, including Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald and the Kingston Trio.

The most Grammys ever collected by one person are 31 by the late conductor Georg (no E) Solti. I’m assuming that wasn’t in one year.

Polka artist Jimmy Sturr has won as many Grammys as Paul McCartney (18 each). To further devalue the concept, know that an old bandmate of mine won a Grammy … not coincidentally, after we stopped playing together. He didn’t thank me. However, No Doubt once thanked their lawyer while winning a Grammy, who was also my band’s lawyer for about seven hours (until he saw me play). Another former roommate and occasional bandmate (we used to sing in his truck a lot) won an Emmy, which is for TV and has nothing to do with this. I just like looking competent by association.

In 1992, Natalie Cole won the Grammy for Record of the Year for a “duet” she did with her dead father. Nobody was screaming nepo baby back then. But I thought it was pretty gross.

In 1961, Bob Newhart won the Grammy for Album of the Year for The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. I don’t know why, as I’ve never heard it. But I’m sure he deserved it because he’s fucking Bob Newhart.

The Grammys went through a particularly insane period during which the Recording Academy gave the Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance Grammy to a band fronted by a guy who plays flute (Jethro Tull) over Metallica in 1989. The academy made up for its stupidity a year later by awarding the Best New Artist Grammy to a couple guys who didn’t sing on their record but were very handsome (Milli Vanilli).

Rock music wasn’t officially recognized by the Grammys until 1980. That explains why Billy Joel won the Grammy for Record of the Year in 1979 and the Eagles won in 1978. The Beatles also won a bunch before then, confirming my suspicion they were a zydeco band.

Speaking of zydeco, it’s now eligible. As is Native American and Hawaiian music. It’s all folded into one category for “regional roots music.” Rap wasn’t recognized until 1989. But at least it has its own categories.

By the way, by my count, the most successful married couple is Beyonce (28) and Jay-Z (21) with 49 Grammys. They probably require a house of their own. 

Enjoy the Grammys.

Follow music critic Tony Hicks at Twitter.com/TonyBaloney1967.