Eddie Van Halen performs with Van Halen at the Shoreline Amphitheatre in Mountain View, Calif., on July 16, 2015. Derek Tobias/STAFF.

Former members of two of my three favorite bands when I was 13 are talking about hitting the road without my favorite members of my old favorite bands, which makes me feel a little weird this week. Weirder than usual.

Rendering: Adam Pardee/STAFF.

Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson are reportedly talking about hitting the road as Rush, which they haven’t done since 2015, before their beloved drummer Neil Peart died in early 2020.

And—we knew this was coming—former Van Halen members Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony are hitting the road, not as Van Halen, but with their own names, in what they say is their version of a tribute to the late Edward Van Halen. Joe Satriani and Jason Bonham will be playing the roles of the Van Halen brothers.

I have thoughts. Lucky you.

One band will likely work because Neil Peart, a drum God who was so much more than just a drummer, can actually be replicated on stage, for the most part, as 33.3 percent of a band that would still have its singer and two front guys out front. Peart was so good, it was difficult for the public to actually grasp what the hell he was even doing back there unless they tried it themselves. Which I did … maybe once. After the cramps stopped, I remembered how great AC/DC was and went back to playing like that.

There are a few guys so technically proficient that, while Peart was the rare songwriting creator on drums, it would be like replacing the world’s greatest, most inventive brain surgeon of four decades ago with the world’s new bestest brain surgeon. It can be done.

Danny Carey of Tool, who Lee has already name-dropped and who really meshed with the pair at the Taylor Hawkins tribute last year, is such a ridiculously sensible replacement that we shouldn’t waste time discussing anyone else who can’t play progressive rock. But there are other guys who can do it, though they need a name to make it feel like more than two guys and a fill-in.

Not me …  in case they were asking. I’m pretty busy right now.

Though website Ultimate Classic Rock did one of those useless slideshows (which I used to make for a living, so I know) meant to gather clicks and piss me off, speculating who might replace Peart. One of their suggestions was former KISS member Peter Criss, who …

No.

I’m sorry. I love Peter Criss so much, I literally have his action figure on my bookshelf. In his day—many, many, MANY days ago—he was a good drummer, who left his big cat strength back in the ’70s (but was still the best singer in KISS).

As for Rush, most importantly, it would be an all-in tribute. The only other two guys who have anything to say about it are likely totally in.

We can argue about whether it’s right but the only two opinions that matter are Lee’s and Lifeson’s. It’s their name and their music (maybe not technically since, you know … publishing rights, record companies, and other business things I don’t understand). But they’re the last two guys alive who happened to be in Rush its entire public existence.

And who’s to say they can’t still make music as Rush if they want to record some more? It’s their band, their careers and their legacy.

Van Halen is more complicated because Edward Van Halen was so much more than just 25 percent of that band’s sound. Rush wasn’t named “Peart.” Eddie Van Halen completely reinvented rock guitar and is arguably its most influential player. He completely drove Van Halen.

Then again, Hagar and Anthony aren’t touring under the Van Halen banner and said they’ll play a few Hagar songs. But they made it clear what they’re doing. They also invited David Lee Roth and Alex Van Halen to join in. Which doesn’t matter, because they won’t (which is too bad, because Alex Van Halen is the world’s most underrated rock drummer and it makes me sad to think we’ll never hear from him again, which seems to be the case).

Satriani can’t replace Van Halen. No one can. Satriani plays like Joe Satriani. That’s not compelling.

It also doesn’t mean they can’t or shouldn’t do it. These guys are Rock and Roll Hall of Famers that still want to play the music and people still want to hear it. At least they’re not using holograms.

Follow music critic Tony Hicks at Twitter.com/TonyBaloney1967.