“Eurovision” 2019, courtesy. Eurovision happened this week. It’s unfortunately that time again. For the past few years I’ve insulted the “Eurovision” contestants, finalists, losers, fans and more or less everyone else involved. It’s fun! I mean, it makes Europe (and Australia for some reason) angry at me, but it’s…

What, you’ve never seen an ice queen on a pole before? As an American I’m obligated to give a passing thought to the annual Eurovision Song Contest as a sort of foreign novelty then immediately forget about it. The United States isn’t involved, after all, despite three non-Europe continents…