Insert Foot vs. the “Friends” top-5 lists.

You want to hear something really horrifying? 

Sure you do. 

I just heard a story of a young woman from this century who argued and almost broke up with her boyfriend last week. The life-altering (not really) dispute started with a conversation over their personalized interpretations of the “freebie top 5 list” episode of “Friends” from the last millennium. The one where they pick their top 5 “freebie” celebrities they can sleep with while in a relationship.

Somehow, “Must See TV” still causes arguments in 2021.  

What does this have to do with music? Nothing, really … unless you want to discuss the demerits of the “Friends” theme song, a smug piece of tripe that should haunt everyone over the age of 40 for ever allowing its cutesy opening riff to signal a generation that it was time to clap four times and welcome the weekend. 

Geez… sounds like someone’s job’s a joke, he’s broke and his love life’s DOA… 

Unfortunately, the music industry is still looking around this week, wondering what the hell to do now. So let’s talk about ‘90s television. 

The aforementioned “Friends” dispute happened in 2021, despite the fact that the freebie top 5 episode originally aired in 1996, just a couple months after the young woman’s very-ancient parents began dating. 

A lot of happened since then… the Internet, terrorism, food selfies… and the birth of all participants in the recent conversation about the freebie top 5 episode of Friends.  

That Friends is still part of the American pop culture buffet in 2021 says something about us. Or perhaps about the show, which was as comfortable then to 20-something white Americans as an old pair of socks. Now we—someone—fondly remembers it as previous generations thought of “Leave It to Beaver.” 

It’s true the show’s creators understood a basic premise that so many writers somehow still don’t get: likable characters who inspire viewers to want to invest time into them. Never mind that the show featured six terribly good-looking and semi-funny white people struggling to make it in a well-lit, very clean and fresh-looking version of New York City where people of color were outlawed. At least on NBC on Thursdays, it was a fact that somehow escaped much scrutiny at the time. 

For fun, I went back and watched the episode in question. And found it a bit uncomfortable and nostalgic at the same time. The lack of people of color is something that has been widely criticized in recent years, with good reason. The nostalgia reflects what a great time it was to be an upwardly mobile white person in a semi-urban environment, discovering the world. When we could be concerned with things like making a list of five designated celebrities with whom we could sleep without penalty from our significant other. 

That’s the premise, by the way. And of course I had a list. Everyone did. The concept was a talker—apparently, still is. If I remember correctly, mine had something to do with Natalie Merchant, Drew Barrymore, Janine Turner, Salma Hayek and Salma Hayek. 

It eventually morphed into a game the young woman’s parents used to play Sunday mornings, when the newspaper’s(!) giant real estate insert prompted a game called, “Which real estate agent would you sleep with on this page if you had to?” 

We didn’t have very good Internet back then. 

Must See TV, including “Seinfeld,” “Frasier,” “Mad About You” and other shows that seemed more important than they should’ve been, was really the last hurrah of pre-reality show network television when it came to getting an entire nation’s attention. Well, most of its attention. At least those of us who saw possibilities in being young, white, clever and upwardly mobile. Its ability to endure after all these years is fascinating, even if it’s a bit cringeworthy.   

But I’m glad I no longer think about that list. It’s much more fulfilling to remember we have other things to worry about—and other people to include.  

Follow music critic Tony Hicks at Twitter.com/TonyBaloney1967.